I’m tired of being in the desert. I miss my old life of inspiration and joy. I’m tired of being tired. I was really hoping that Pentecost would jump-start my Muse. My longing for the Holy Spirit is still just that, a longing and not a be-longing.
I go to church, I read, I pray, I meditate, and yet I still feel nothing. There are shadows in the periphery but nothing of substance. I sense something so close, like a dream that slips through the blinds when the light peeps through. I know there is life beyond this desert. I can smell it like rain in the distance, but there is nothing falling on my barren soil.
Come Holy Spirit!
Come and fill me!
Wake up my sails and blow me out of the doldrums.
Create in me a clean heart o God and renew a right spirit within me.
And now I’ve finished “Stalking the Divine” by Kristin Ohlson and that gave me hope in a general, religious way. The kind of hope that most people go through some sort of desert in their journey. I know this, we’ve talked about it in book groups and Christian education class, but I hadn’t heard it lately so it had slipped off my Teflon-coated brain. A re-minder that it is just a phase and phases go just as sure as they come.
And because I’m an addict of ALL sorts, I immediately went over to the bookshelf to see what I would read next. Which, lucky for me, turns out to be Anne Lamott‘s “Bird by Bird.” Which means, of course, that I’ll be clicking away here with little vignettes in order to write my one-inch picture frames of life. I don’t know that I’ll be able to write at the same time each day, but I’m cool with that. I will, at least, be writing every day. Yea!