Back at work again, so things are…normal? Not really. I gave my two week notice yesterday and boy do I feel better. I start my job with ASU the second week of August.
There was a time when my mind raced with a sharp edge. Now I struggle cutting room-temperature butter. I’d like to think it is my circumstances, that unhappiness dulls the sheen of my life and that I have the wherewithal to create change. My purse is full of coins insuring that I can indeed do just that. But, as always, it is a matter of action. Thinking only gets me so far into my paper bag.
not sure why not
I say it so often you’d think it would be easy for me but speaking and acting are two different levels. I tell the women I mentor (and anybody who allows me into their space with my ideas) that this life is not a competition; that money does not equal success; that God is in charge and everything is all right already. OK, now prove it Dawn. Walk away from that full-time job that just gave you a $2,300 annual salary increase and upped your insurance allowance fifty bucks a month. I briefly saw a bumper sticker yesterday that read something like, “Security does not equal liberty.” Sister B would laugh at me, “it’s a sign! it’s a sign!”
As I write, the sun is just peeping over the mountain that lies just beyond the Watauga River at the end of the farm where we live. Crows are cawing, hopping around the paddocks in search of early morning bugs. Goldfinches, nut hatches and wrens are cheeping and chirping while the morning traffic is just beginning to crawl.
And me, well I’m just not sure which path to travel – the one I know, pays well and makes me cry every Sunday evening, or the unknown part-time? I guess for now I have one and will interview for the other on Friday so there is no reason to let it occupy my brain.
Time to meditate then off to Weight Watcher, grocery shopping, and Pittsboro for the Barbecue shindig.
I’ve been telling my dear husband Bill (which is my sideways forum to hear myself think) that I don’t want to work full-time, that I only want a part-time job. There are many levels to this thought. I think that if I only work part-time then I will spend more time writing, and gardening, and then I could volunteer at the shelter and get to know and work with the residents in a more meaningful way. Whether this is true or not I really don’t know. I do know that I do not care for administrative work. I have no desire to “create a better volunteer program” or to “update the policies and procedures. I am doing a job for which I have no heart.
For a long time now I’ve tried to sell myself the idea that my job is my ministry and to a very limited extent that is true. I do minister to people via conversations and particularly offering, as Benedict of Nursia would say, an ear of the heart, but I spend much more time being miserable trying to do the work intended for me to do.
So, a year or so ago I applied to Lees-McRae College for a position, for which I never heard a reply and then Monday I sent off my resume to Appalachian State University for a part-time box office manager position. And they called to schedule an interview next week. Eeeek!
Now comes the time to put up or shut up. Well, maybe. I mean, they haven’t even interviewed me yet and they could say no thank you BUT suppose they offer me the position? Then what? Take a drastic cut in pay and benefits for a little piece of mind? How precious is the rest of my life and would I actually follow through with the writing thing? I would lose that grand excuse I’ve been using of not having time and being too tired, but knowing me I would fish around and find another one or two.
So for tonight, I’m going to pray and hopefully sleep and then over the weekend I will talk with Bill because not only does this involve him, he is a wonderfully wise man who will share his life thoughts with me.
So even though I’ve not written about the beach as promised earlier (I will, I will, gimme some time will ya?) I will write more about what comes out of this.
Up at 5 then drove to Winston-Salem, back to work at 3, left at six.Boy am I ready for bed! But Ryan is making dinner so I’ll be up at least a little later.
I just cannot bring myself to write. I don’t feel too depressed, but it is sure showing signs around my edges.
It is all I can do not to fall into a deep, dark depression. Post-vacation blues? Perhaps. Tired of my job? Youbetcha. Solution? Nothing imminent so all that’s left to do is pray.
So we’re going to the beach tomorrow. Well, technically we’re only going as far as Rocky Mount, NC after we see the Durham Bull’s play and then pick up Bill’s eldest son and his new bride from the airport. Then on Friday we’re going to Kitty Hawk, NC.
Worked all day, meeting at 6:30 then home for a bite to eat and packing but I didn’t write yesterday so I’m determined to put some words down today. Not sure how it is going to work tomorrow. Maybe they have wireless at the ballpark? I’ll do what I can.
I’ve never been to the Outer Banks. I lived for 3 years on a sailboat, but our northernmost port was Jekyll Island, GA which I loved. I’m pretty excited. I’ll let you know how it goes!