Found on My Porch
I was singing this little Taize song, “Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom” which is from the Gospel of Luke 23:42 and thinking about Advent because it is. And because it is Advent, most things that come into my view get processed through the lens of waiting in hope and expectation, as did the Taize verse.
It’s one of the criminals being crucified alongside Jesus who spoke those words to which Jesus replied, “Truly I tell you, today you will be with me in paradise.” Today. Today is the Kingdom, it’s already here, I sometimes choose living in my own little world instead of the Kingdom. And my world is so small. My world is full of doubt and worry, what ifs and regrets. The Kingdom is full of hope and joy, saturated with Love.
So during this time of Advent, when I’m looking for the Cosmic Christ, hoping to see God in each face and place I’ll try to remember to live in Today – the palace of the Kingdom.
Attended the last class of Community of Hope, an Episcopal based 14-week training for lay pastoral caregivers, then there was some nice retreat time with a meditation on the Sabbath. We started the retreat listening to Barbara Brown Taylor and I couldn’t help wondering when the last time she heard those words, but that is between her and her Higher Power. As Kitty likes to say, “I ain’t judgin’, I’m just sayin’.”
After the retreat I spoke with a woman about spiritual direction. I’ve had a lovely lady deacon as my spiritual director, but she lives part-time out-of-state and I am at a point in my life where I want someone I can see on a regular basis. So I asked Jane and we will begin as soon as she sends me an email. Yea! She seems just what I need: positively focused, Spirit led, and willing to challenge me with reading, journaling, and questions. Plus, she lives about half an hour away!
Now my question is, can I make this blog my journal? Am I willing to be as open and honest here as I am supposed to be in a journal? Is it incredibly egotistic to journal in public? Albeit with no one reading my blog, how public is it? hahahahaa!
As I am told on various occasions, more will be revealed!
Someday I might learn to just go ahead and get up in the middle of the night when my brain won’t let me sleep. But for the last 51 years, I lay there thinking that surely I will soon be asleep and if I get up I’ll blow it. And, crazy person that I am, I think the results will be different even though I’ve done the same thing again and again.
Last night was no exception. Sometime before 3am I woke up disappointed with folks in my church who label themselves Christian. Two incidents in particular really ticked me off and I haven’t come to terms with them yet. It took me years to get back to the place where I could comfortably refer to myself as a Christian; mainly because I focused on the people of the institutional church instead of Christ. Sigh. I guess I still do that. Peeps don’t fail me now! But they do. And I’m sure that I fail others. Like today when I should be working but can’t focus and don’t seem to care. Blah.
On the other hand…this is my second day in a row to write…go me, go me, go me [happy dancing]!